5 Things to Discuss with Your Aging Parents

Having a serious talk about death or finances with parents is always a difficult conversation. But the responsible thing is to do it anyway.
 
Your parents may resist, but no one is infallible or immortal, and those uncomfortable discussions can go a long way toward being prepared for a future without them.

Geriatric medicine expert Dr. Alicia Arbaje suggests easing into these talks. Don't attempt to sit your parents down for a long conversation in one day but rather look for natural moments to bring it up.

Here are some important discussion points to keep in mind when the time comes to talk with your parents about the future.

Medical preferences

No matter your age, there may be a time in life when you or your parents can't make your own medical choices due to illness or incapacity. It'll be stressful if your parents end up in such a situation, and if they can't share their preferences, you and your family may feel stuck on what decisions to make for their medical care. Talking with them before this happens would be a big help.

Making medical decisions for someone else requires more than a conversation, though. Your parent will need to give someone medical power of attorney (POA) to make medical decisions on their behalf, something that cannot be obtained after your parent is incapacitated.

Whoever is designated, the POA should understand your parents' desires. They can communicate them through a living will, which allows someone to outline their medical wishes should they become incapacitated in the future.

Tax planning

Retirement brings new tax challenges, which your parents may not be prepared for. The IRS enforces required minimum distributions, or RMDs, from most types of retirement accounts every year for those who are turning 73 years or older.

Anyone who misses the December 31 deadline each year faces a tax penalty of 25% of the required distribution. Depending on your parents' finances, that could be thousands of dollars flushed away.

RMDs are generally not required from Roth accounts.

Scam prevention

Scammers and abusers often target seniors due to their vulnerability. They know elders may be more lonely, suffering from cognitive impairment, or less aware of newer fraudulent methods.

Seniors are also more likely to have more assets, which makes them a big target for fraudsters. Types of financial fraud to look out for include medical drug scams, Social Security scams, and telemarketing scams, among others. There's also elder financial abuse, where victims are most often targeted by loved ones or someone they trust.

Encourage your parents to have a point of contact they can go to with questions if they're unsure of someone's intentions. Maybe that person is you, but it doesn't have to be. It's also wise to review our Fraud Cybersecurity Checklist together to make sure they are aware of all the different ways to stay safe.

Planning for death

Properly honoring a loved one after death can come with tough choices, and you should make sure you are ready to follow what they want. Ask your parents if they'd prefer a burial or cremation.

Is there a specific location they'd want to be buried, or any places where they'd want their ashes to be spread or kept? Are there any rites or rituals they would like included in their funeral? Do they even want a funeral?

Depending on the circumstances of a parent's death, you may be approached about organ donation. Is that something your parent would want?

For information regarding what you can do with members' financial accounts after their passing, our Deceased Member Guide (PDF) may be able to provide you with answers.

It can feel uncomfortable to ask about your parents' preferences, but it's better to do so sooner than later. You will alleviate some stress by removing the guesswork about your parents' wishes.

Estate planning

Writing a will might feel overwhelming, but it's a necessary step for people who want to make life easier for their family members after they pass.

When someone dies, their estate goes into probate, which is a legal process where the will is authenticated before the executor of the will can take care of the dead individual's assets and debts. If someone dies without a will, the probate process becomes more complicated and can cost surviving family members time and money.

Your parent should name the executor of the will. This person will be responsible for overseeing your parents' assets according to their written wishes. It's also important for your parents to store their wills somewhere safe, like a bank deposit box. The executor of the will should know how to access the will when the time comes.

Regardless of how wealthy your parents are, no will means a messier probate. Talk with them to make sure they know an up-to-date will allows their family to take care of things with more ease during a time of grieving.